Pam Parish

One of the things that I’ve learned in life is that the lessons that I’ve learned the hard way are the ones that I’ve truly learned. Over and over, I’ve found it to be true that when I’ve made a wrong choice, it ultimately causes me pain. This is the key reason why we become wiser as we get older. It’s not because are brains suddenly get bigger, or because there’s a Wisdom 101 class that anyone over the age of 30 gets to take. It’s simply because we’ve learned from our mistakes, felt the pain of our choices and made the decision to make better decisions - because the bad ones hurt.

Last night, I had the opportunity to experience wisdom in the making; in the life of my daughter, Heather. It stinks as a parent to watch your child, whom you know is a great kid, screw up badly and have to suffer the consequences. Here’s the story:

Heather found $7 on the lunch room floor at school. Even though she knew that she should turn it in, her desire for the money ruled out and she made the choice to keep it; simply because she wanted it (we’ve all been there, huh?). A few days later, I found the money and she told me that one of her friends had asked her to hold it for her and she forgot to give it back. (uh oh, anyone sense a downhill slide on that one? - let the whistle of the wind begin) I asked her to return the money the next day at school. Prior to leaving for school, I made sure she had the money to return. That night, I noticed $5 on the floor beside her backpack; I asked her where it came from. She said that she had given her friend the money, but that she gave her $5 of it back. (we’re pickin’ up speed here folks - hold on, it’s going to be a bumpy ride) This time, I took the money and told her that I would give it to her teacher to be distributed to the student. Yesterday, after school, we asked her what happened with the money. She told us that the teacher had given it to her friend. (At this point, we’re smelling really rotten fish in the water) To which, we asked, “If we ask your teacher, what will he say is the story behind the money?” She gave a few answers like, “I gave my friend the money, but asked to see the $5 and forgot to give it back.” or “I gave my friend the money, but wanted $5 so I asked if I could have it.”

Ultimately, the weight of it all was too big a burden for her to bear and she said, “Mom, I need to tell you the full truth.” She then told us where the money had originated from, and that, fearing more trouble when I began to question, she coaxed her friend into going along with her story to the teacher. After much discussion on stealing, lying and being a bad influence to your friends, here’s the lesson that we taught:

We asked her to come downstairs. When she arrived and sat down, we had two piles of money - $7 and $75. We asked her which pile of money she wanted, of course, she said the $75. I told her that, unfortunately, she’d already made her choice - the $7. The $75 had been a planned blessing - spending money that her dad and I had sat aside for her to take to Kentucky when she left to spend two weeks with family, this Friday. However, now, because she has placed such a high value on $7 - to the point of stealing, lying and dragging her friends, teachers and parents along for the ride - she would only get the $7 that she chose with her actions. I explained that God has many, many blessings in store for our lives and sometimes, tomorrow may hold a huge blessing for us, but our actions today could blow it. Everyday, we’re faced with choices to do good or do evil - when we make those choices we’re also choosing the consequences which accompany them. I told her that from now on, when she’s faced with a decision of good or evil / truth or deception - I want her to ask herself one question, “Do I want the $7 choice or the $70 choice? - Do I want the immediate desire of my flesh, or the ultimate blessing of God?” I hope it’s a lesson she’ll remember for life. It sure is going to suck watching her sister spend $75 over the next two weeks when she only has $7. Thus is the lessons we learn the hard way.

What Steve and I realized is that we had a choice to make, too. We could either get angry (which we were) and react, or we could step back and take the opportunity to bring wisdom and guidance; allowing the pain of personal choice to be the ultimate teacher. I’m thankful that, at least in this instance, we chose wisely; goodness knows we’ve made the unwise choice often. Heather was genuinely sorry that she had let us down but, more importantly she realized that she had let herself down, and ultimately cost herself a blessing because of a wrong choice. I don’t think it’s a lesson she’ll forget anytime soon.

What about you, do you want the $7 or $70? We make the choice in big and small ways, everyday.

Trying to always choose the $70,